10 Months

LilBit is 10 months old now.  Growing to be quite a little chunker.

She’s scooting around well. She will sit and scoot on her bottom.  She will twist her legs in all manner. She does the splits.  She has one leg bent at the knee and foot behind her, the other leg straight out to the side.

From there she will often lie down on her belly and maneuver around further.  She can plop herself forward and scoot herself every direction but forward.

But she’s not even attempting to pull up or stand. We will play with her and stand her up.  She will lift up that one leg and stand on the heel of her other.  We encourage her to put her other leg down.  That means, we either team up with the other parent or do some fancy juggling and balancing act in order to hold her up while guiding and pressing the other foot DOWN.

She does not like to be made to stand. She will quickly drop. The knees give way and down she goes.

This makes me kind of sad.

I know she’s still within the realm of  ‘normal’ or just slightly ‘behind’ but, this makes me sad.

I am used to seeing my babies scooting and crawling, working on standing by this age.  I know every baby is different.  I *know* this doesn’t mean anything.  But yet, I am sad.

I get sad when I see friends’ babies her age and younger pulling up, standing, taking steps.  I keep thinking, ‘that should be my LilBit, she should be doing those things too’.

I don’t know if her ‘delay’ here is a “real” delay, if it’s related to spina bifida, or what. She might just be uninterested. She might just not be that developed yet, slightly behind. She might have significant delays in this area. She might really struggle in this area.

I don’t know.

I just know that I am anxious to see my baby stand and walk.  And this ‘not knowing’ ‘wait and see’ stuff can be really *really* hard at times.  It’s hard not knowing what is normal, what will be normal, what’s behind, what will catch up, what will always be a struggle. It’s just hard not knowing.

I have enjoyed noting every stage she has hit.  Each has been a bit later than previous children of mine.  This one just seems to hang out there a little longer.  Long enough to make me worry and wonder.

Those things I *knew* were possibilities. Those things I *knew* would be slower or difficult.  I am now seeing them play out.  And it’s hard.

Then I think about the parents of children with more serious SB and wonder how this must all feel to them.  To those whose children are in wheelchairs because their legs simply will not support the child’s weight, period.  To those whose children didn’t take their first steps until they were considerably older and only then with the help of braces and a walker.

To be ‘ok’ with what the future may hold, when it is still the future.  But to have a moment of panic or at least sadness when that ‘future’ is the now.

My apologies to those parents for my whining over such trivial things. I only hope that you can understand where I am coming from and empathize, just a little bit.  Even if we aren’t going through the same thing, even if it really was harder for you, I understand.  I just hope that you, too, understand and don’t see me as terribly whiny.  But rather a loving parent, who wants the world for her children, who just happens to be struggling a tiny bit as she sees delays in her child.  It’s a hard thing to swallow initially.


2 thoughts on “10 Months

  1. Tara, I can so relate to some of what you are feeling. Ours was for different reasons but having a “delayed” child is really hard no matter the reason. We had no diagnosis and therefore, no idea of what to expect. All i knew was that my baby was delayed across the board (global delays). I would cry when I’d see other babies his age crawling and laughing and clapping and eating 😦 It wasn’t that I didn’t like seeing other babies or think they were cute but it got to be very emotionally taxing. And while I tried not to compare and I tried to accept my baby for where he was, many times i just ended up feeling so sad. I still have some sadness to this day cause while he is caught up in many areas and eats fine now, there are still delays and I often wonder if he will always be delayed and if we will always be dealing with this. I do know that i have become a lot more understanding and compassionate to parents of special needs kids. It wasn’t that I didn’t have compassion before but now I’ve walked in those shoes. No one wants to see their child struggle or have a harder time doing things than other kids. Anyway, sending hugs and I’ll be praying for you as you go through this journey. I’m here if you ever need someone to vent to.

  2. I felt like we had a pretty good idea what to expect- I am an OT, and my hubby’s a nurse, and we have a great team working with us who did their best to be honest without being a downer. Still, when your kid starts falling behind with those milestones, it’s hard not to focus on it. 10 months is about the time we got Gage in PT. He got his first little set of braces, and got moving. The initial eval was tough on me. He was further behind than I wanted to believe. It was a good thing, though, because he got (and is getting) the tools he needs to be as independent as he can be!

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